From surviving to living

About impactful childhood experiences, chronic pain, and the path to healing

Your past does not have to determine your future

Many people carry more from their childhood than they consciously realize. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are impactful events such as abuse, neglect, lack of safety at home, addiction, or mental health issues within the family. Poverty, discrimination, or violence in the surrounding environment are also included. What research refers to as Adverse Childhood Experiences, I prefer to call impactful or unsafe childhood experiences.

What strikes me is how quickly we tend to minimize our own experiences. A simple exercise can bring a lot of clarity: imagine that one of your children (or a child you love) grew up in exactly the same way you did. What do you feel then? Sadness? Concern? Hesitation? Do you perhaps think, “Oh…”? That reaction alone often says enough.

ACEs occur more often than we think. And yes, they can have a profound impact on our bodies, our emotions, our behavior, and our relationships. Chronic stress, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or addictive patterns are often not “character flaws,” but logical responses to an unsafe start in life.

And now the most important part:
Your brain and your body are not broken. They adapted in order to survive.

Healing is possible. Research shows that positive experiences, safe relationships, and learning new skills can significantly soften the impact of ACEs. Every supportive connection, every step toward self-care, every moment you treat yourself with kindness helps your nervous system experience safety again.

Recovery is not a straight line.
But it is possible at any age.
Your past has had an influence, yes. But it does not have to define your future.

We can stop asking, “What is wrong with me?”
And start asking, “What do I need in order to heal?”

I’d like to share something personal here.  What I needed to heal, started with knowledge: about trauma, about chronic pain, about how the body holds memories. I also went to therapy to get to know myself better. For a long time, I believed that if I just understood my patterns deeply enough, ate healthy, exercised enough, did all the “right” things, then healing would naturally follow.

But it wasn’t enough.
So frustrating!

Real change only came when I started working with my nervous system, when I learned to slow down, regulate, and experience safety in my body. From that moment on, my pain began to fade.

Then came what might have been the hardest part: learning to live authentically. Discovering who I was, separate from pleasing and adapting. Repeatedly asking myself: What do I actually want? That process required courage. I had to step away from toxic relationships, it was painful, lonely, full of grief, and at the same time necessary.

Today, I live as authentically as possible. I meditate, listen to my energy, and make choices that feel right for me. Not perfect but honest.

And this is what I hope you take with you:
healing is not only about understanding, but about embodying.
About feeling safe. About giving yourself permission to be who you are.

When pain shows up, for example I pulled my back, my body forces me to pause. Not to panic, but to calm down through breathing and to acknowledge the emotion that wants to be expressed. For example: fear about one of the kids who hasn’t replied yet, even though I sent a text two hours ago—and they’re usually glued to their phone, so why not now?!

So… I calm down.  I relax my nervous system.
And the pain disappears.

Your past has had an influence but it does not have to determine your future 🌱

Source: https://www.symptomatic.me/blog/adverse-childhood-experiences